Blogging

Just a quick post to say that I have started a new blog devoted towards my son's diagnosis of autism. So if you're at all interested, you will find some of our stories regarding ASD, that I promise will only be positive content, and resources for parents and teachers.
drumbeatsoutoftime.blogspot.com

This means that my Scribeswindow blog can be more book and writing oriented. Well that's the plan...... These things always blur as they do in life.

Happy reading.

What I've been reading lately...The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas

Really? I mean really? Does anyone out there know people like these characters? I certainly don't. And if you do, please comment below and tell me about them.

I found my paperback copy of The slap at my son's daycare bookclub. It's a copy that's been released along with the televised version on the ABC. My copy also includes a plethora of media quotes reviewing the book. A couple that caught my attention:

It's often said that the best politicians are those who can instinctively divine the zeitgeist of their country's centre. For the ones who can't, I would place The slap as mandatory bedside table reading. It's a perfect social document of what Australia is today. More importantly, it's also one hell of a read. The Australian

Again. Really? I wouldn't describe the events in this book as depicting an accurate social picture of Australia.

And this:

We are presented with a cast of characters whose situation reflects the affluent, insecure, globalised Australia of the early twenty-first century. Times Literary Supplement.

A blistering portrait of domestic life. Sun-Herald.

The description I liked best is from magazine Men's Style:

A gripping suburban fable.

It is from this premise that I have decided to view this book. I think that the people Tsiolkas writes about are more caricatures than anything else. And I think it is a fable, a cautionary tale almost, depicting a 'what if' about Australia's or really Melbourne's so called nanny-state.

Now if you haven't read the book there are spoilers ahead, so if what I've written so far entices you - and it is a fabulous book! - then please go and find this novel read it, and come back. I would love to hear your opinion.

The characters, even though unreal to me, did resonate. I think this is because of my age and the fact that I have young children? Not to say that it wouldn't resonate with others also. Rosie is the character I think about most. The fact that she still breast feeds her "just turned four" son sends shudders through me. I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. And before anyone spouts (no pun intended!) that breast feeding can end at any time, we live in a society where nutritious food is abundant. Some countries don't have that luxury, so of course breast feeding for as long as possible would be paramount. That's my opinion.

Hugo pulled away from Rosie's teat. 'No one is allowed to touch my body without my permission.' His voice was shrill and confident. Hector wondered where he'd learnt those words. From Rosie? At childcare? Were there community announcements on the frigging television?

This book brings together every tenet you believe in parenting. It is through Rosie's character that you question your own ideals on raising children. Do you smack them? Do you give them junk food? Do you set boundaries for them? Are you a good parent? Indeed it is through Rosie's insecurities as a parent that propels most of the conflict along. It makes you wonder if we as a society are giving too much merit and authority to institutions.

When is it appropriate to intervene when children are fighting? Or when children need disciplining? Is it so wrong that some parents are of the view that giving kids carte blanche to sort things out is the best way for them to play and learn? Is it so wrong to want to protect children and risk being described as a 'helicopter mum'? There will always be differing parenting styles.

The book of course is about a child that is slapped. What also resonated with me was the brilliant description of this scene. Tsiolkas is indeed a master.

He saw his cousin's raised arm, it spliced the air, and then he saw the open palm descend and strike the boy. The slap seemed to echo. It cracked the twilight.

Now I want you to say that last line out loud. This is what I find myself doing. Especially, for some reason, when I'm doing the dishes. Lovely sentence.

Tsiolkas also examines the idea of family and friendship in the book. Sometimes I think this book is only described as a social comment about parenting, but I think that at its real heart is the notion of 'blood is thicker than water'. He uses the friendship of the three girls, Aisha, Rosie and Anouk and juxtaposes it with the family relationship of cousins Hector and Harry, and of course the rest of the family. This is especially evident when at the courthouse, Rosie's reaction to Harry's uncle Manolis being there with Harry.

She went up to Hector's father and when she spoke her voice did not tremble but there was no missing her fury. You shouldn't be here. Aren't you ashamed? You shouldn't be here. Her spittle landed on his shirt.

At the time when I read this I thought to myself, what did she expect? That's his uncle. Of course he's going to be there. Later in the book the character Manolis echoes this sentiment, asking himself would he not be there for his brother's child? This seems to be what Tsoilkas is getting at. That family is what's important, and sometimes people convince themselves that friendship can be family too. The novel asks the question, can this be so?

There's a lot of ugliness in this book. That's why I asked the initial question of are there really people out there who exist in this way? I truly don't know of any. But taken away from this face value and seen as more of a fable of Australian society, I think Tsiolkas has written a fantastic book. I read this book just before bedtime, and every time wished I hadn't. I found it hard to put down, and when I did, sleep eluded me because I couldn't stop thinking about what I had read.

Even writing a post for this book has taken me weeks because I had to get my head around what I wanted to say, and I still feel like I've missed out on things. Don't miss out on this book. I've watched three episodes of the television series so far, and there are some changes, and I'm really glad that I went with the old adage of reading the book first before watching the story on screen.

House update

You know that episode of Fawlty Towers, where Basil gets in the Irish builder who consequently removes the door into the dining room? Last week we had our own Irish concreters, not builders, come through to give us a quote. One was young - well about our age - and the other older. The Younger was besotted by our Jack Russell and had him describing his dog, just like ours, back home in Ireland. The older told us that his wife had just left him and thus needed a hug from me to compensate!

Before I go any further with the concreting quote, let me just update you on what's happening (or not happening) with our renovation/extension. My husband has succeeded in getting himself appointed with a Builder/Owner status. This is good, because we got some quotes from builders that just had us saying, thanks but no thanks. Our next option that we looked at is us managing the build ourselves. Or my husband doing it. I have faith in him that he will do a fantastic job. In fact, I think that if we go in this direction, by the end of it, he will look up - and all around him - and say, I built this.

So for the last few months, we've had all sorts of tradies come through our door. Structural engineers, electricians, carpenters, and now the concreters. Our quotes are slowly coming in, and yes it's going to be an expensive adventure, but we think we should manage it.

So back to the concreters. After obliging The Older with a quick hug, they proceeded outside where my husband showed them the site and access etc. Traipsing back inside, I once again had to give The Older a hug, and as they left, the Older told my husband that he'd have a 'ball-park figure' for him the next day. Once the front door closed we looked at each other and burst out laughing, and my husband did a very good impression from the Fawlty Towers episode.

Anyway, this leads me to the last update, that I've decided to take next year off from studying. The main reason is timing and secondary money. Currently the two children do two days of daycare whilst I go to classes. The daycare fees are killing us. If we didn't have to pay for an extension there wouldn't be a problem.

If I continued next year, it would mean that I would graduate with a view of working as a teacher in 2013. My son starts prep that same year, and I think it would be better to be more flexible as we go through transition into school. As he is on the spectrum, this could prove to be very important, and if I commit to a new job, then I don't think I'll have that flexibility. However, by taking 2012 off from studying, I can take my youngest out of daycare, and then in 2013, resume that final year that will then allow me to be around more in case I'm needed. It also means that my youngest can then take over my son's daycare hours and it won't make too much difference to the hip pocket.

So, like all parents, it's a big juggling act, but I think that this will be the best way to go.

Conservative catholic or modern secular?

There is an article in my newspaper, Do we really want a leader trapped in a bygone era? (01/10/2011) that is an edited extract from new book Tony Abbott: a man's man by Susan Mitchell.

It is important to remind ourselves that Tony Abbott is a 53-year-old former trainee Catholic priest, a former right-wing student activist, a former Liberal Party staffer, and an MP parachuted by John Howard into a safe Liberal seat. From an early age, he was mentored and trained by older men to become the man he is today - a product of a bygone era. Most of his ideas have been formed by men in all-male institutions or mostly male environments.

Can we believe in his political separation between church and state when Abbott boasted that eight Catholics in the Howard cabinet had overturned the Northern Territory's euthanasia law, buried gay marriage, stopped the ACT heroin safe injecting-rooms trial, and tried to reduce abortion numbers through pregnancy-support counselling that was openly anti-abortion?

When asked about the problem of businesses paying women an average 16 per cent less than they pay men in the same job, Abbott admitted that he was unaware that there was still a problem. When asked how he would get more women into politics, he said he did not have a solution.

Even though he is married with three daughters, he freely admits he has been mostly absent from the housework and child-rearing. Is it any wonder that he has no understanding of what Australian women, more than 50 per cent of the population, expect or need from a potential prime minister of their country?

The social and historic changes of the 1960s and 1970s have become firmly fixed in the social fabric of the nation - particularly those changes that affect the lives of women. What Abbott never understood, and still fails to understand today, is that a belief in a woman's right to make choices about her own body, and the belief that everyone has the right to equality despite their gender and sexuality, are not merely ''fashionable'' causes.

These rights are enshrined in legislation, and have been since the 1970s. They will not change, like the length of women's skirts do. To dismiss them alienates him from the women, and many men, who fought so hard in the past and are still fighting to achieve equality and fairness in and out of the workplace.

Women no longer accept that they are not entitled to the same opportunities as men, just as gays are refusing to be treated as second-class citizens, the elderly are agitating for the right to voluntary euthanasia, the young are demanding the development of stem-cell research, and eminent scientists throughout the world are certain that governments have to accept the reality of climate change and take immediate action to reduce carbon pollution or face the tragic consequences.

Abbott, a man of drive, cunning, ambition, and incorrigible determination, is now in a position where he could be leading our country come an election. But what if all his values and beliefs are more suited to the leadership of a conservative, Catholic institution than a modern, secular democracy? What if his attitudes to women are outdated and out of step with what they believe to be true about themselves and their own lives? What if the Australian people want a leader who embraces the future and is not trapped in the past?

The Saturday Age, 01/10/2011

I have long been concerned that Tony Abbott may one day become our Prime Minister. However, even though I personally agree with Susan Mitchell over the statements in this extract, what struck a chord with me was the question regarding a conservative Catholic religion and a modern secular democracy.

Recently I blogged about looking for a primary school for my son. I want to send my children to a local primary school, and we have the choice of either a Catholic or two government primary schools. Ultimately we have decided to enrol him (and later my daughter), in our local government primary school. However, I didn't find this was an easy choice, in fact it almost felt like going against the grain. Allow me to explain.

I have been raised a Catholic. Thirteen years of catholic (all girls) education, a grandmother who is very pious and took it upon herself to teach me the catechism and my husband also had a similar education to mine (although his was all boys) and was an altar boy in his teenage years. Both of us have turned away from the Catholic church, even though, eleven years ago, we were married in one. In fact it's the same church that I received the sacraments (communion and confirmation) and that my husband had served as an altar boy. I don't regret that at all, I have very fond memories of this beautiful bluestone church and it can even be described as a part of me. My son and daughter have been christened at this same church.

This is why, when choosing a school I found it hard to choose something other than catholic. This is why, when reading today Mitchell's words about today's society being modern secular I think my husband and I represent this new society. I had to ask myself, what sort of education do I want my children to have? I certainly don't want it to be dogmatic, one that includes missals and bibles. I want them to question what is around them. I want them to experience things and later on add value to society. I'm not saying that if you're Catholic you can't do all these things, but for me, the church just seems removed. I'm not getting anything out of it. To go to church would be a chore.

But I don't think I'm any less spiritual because of it.

Weighing up both schools, the government primary just seemed to offer more. During our meeting with the school principal, she said that the children at the school seem to be very socially aware, fair-minded, and I liked this. The school seemed to represent a modern secular society, and maybe this is why we chose it, because it meant finally taking that deep breath and actually admitting that this is what our family is. I was brought up as a conservative catholic, but as an adult, I am anything but.

The morning marathon

I don't know about you, but I am absolutely exhausted by the time I have my kids dressed in the morning. Once their shoes are finally on I feel as though I've been through some marathon type race, and then I have to contemplate actually going out. Where to find the energy?

It all begins over the demands of what breakfast cereal they want. Followed by brushing teeth. I make them take turns as the thought of trying to brush both their teeth together in the bathroom (something my husband does regularly) is just too much for me to bear. Then it's the choosing of clothes and actually getting them to put it on. My daughter has hair brushing next, luckily my son wears his hair very short.

Then it's time to leave for the(insert chosen preference here) park, library, playgroup, zoo etc. I've taken to having morning tea at home. I repeatedly say to myself, wait until you've had your coffee and then you'll be ready. So, it's only then, once the caffeine has hit do I venture anywhere.

Once at a playgroup we attended, one mother confided to me that very morning she'd had a huge face-off showdown with her school aged daughter who wanted to wear a particular pair of shoes to school. Mum had won, so by the time she got to playgroup with her younger son, she was a frazzled wreck. It's not worth it, she said. I should have just given in.

But let me now just commend my two little angels in how they have managed to be ready for me to attend my 8am classes this semester. Luckily for me the daycare does breakfast, so that's taken a huge load off our morning. I awaken at 6am, get myself and my bag ready then proceed to wake them, plonking them both on the couch in front of ABC2. I let them slowly wake up and get their clothes ready. By the time I return to have them brush their teeth, they're both fully awake and excited to begin their day. Dressing seems to be fairly seamless and then it's out the door. I was so worried about how they were going to handle these early mornings, but they've both been fantastic.

Dress-ups

This week when I went to pick up my kids from their daycare there was a sign on my son's room door announcing that next week will be 'Dress Up Week'! Oh goody, something extra for me to do. Just to clarify I am in no way craftily creative, so me making costumes just doesn't work. In fact, that's the sort of thing my husband is great at, but he probably won't have enough time this weekend to make anything.

We're being urged to rummage around op shops, find bits of fabric at home (we don't have that sort of stuff), dress up in costumes they already have or come in traditional dress, also something we don't have lying around. So off to the shops I headed and bought my son a costume. It is a lovely commercial representation of Lightning McQueen, a character my son absolutely adores.

The whole notion of dress up week is exploring the notion of identity. Our classroom teacher has observed many of the students pretending to be superheroes, or good or bad characters and she hopes that the dressing up will lead to some thought provoking questions where they can explore different emotions. Not bad for a bunch of four year olds.

I haven't shown my son his costume yet. I squirrelled it away into the top part of his wardrobe, but I think that perhaps we can do a big unveiling tonight and let him try it on as he's supposed to wear it tomorrow. I'm just hoping that I can somehow get him to wriggle out of it later for bathtime......

Reading list about the Autism Spectrum

I'm starting to devise a new reading list to learn more about people's experiences with the Autism spectrum. I'm specifically looking for uplifting titles, stories that explore and champion the diversity of people who are regarded as different. I don't want to read any more books about the spectrum that categorise it, or list characteristics to look out for, or how to over come it. I want to read about people who have discovered their talents and achieved things, been supported and can describe their lives as something to be proud of. There aren't many books like this around. On searching I've come across depressing titles such as, Daniel isn't talking; Let me hear your voice: a family's triumph over autism; Pretending to be normal: living with Aspergers syndrome; The out of sync child; overcoming autism; the empty fortress; Facing autism; children with starving brains, and so on. Now I can't say that I've read any of these titles, so I really cannot say with any authority that they don't contain uplifting messages, but I find most of these titles depressing.

Today I began reading the first book on my burgeoning list, Be different: adventures of a free-range Aspergian with practical advice for Aspergians, misfits, families and teachers. I know, a really long title.

It's written by John Elder Robison, brother of the famous author Augusten Burroughs, and after reading only the introduction, I can already tell that it ticks all the boxes that I am after. Feel good, tick. Experiences, tick. How life has been for him, tick. Robison himself says, "There's so much talk about the disability of Aspberger's, so much focus on what kids who are different can't do, that I thought it was time for a book about what they CAN do". I read that sentence this afternoon, and had an eye-opening moment. This is exactly what I've been after.

I blogged not too long ago that I was beginning to tell people that my son has been diagnosed with autism. This is because I feel less anxious. A year ago I was devastated, and couldn't see beyond the spectrum that was being described to me. The black and white characteristics that were blurring and blinding me to my son who is just magnificent. All mother's say that I know, but try saying it when you have spent time de-valuing a person who means so much to you. When you think that it's all just hopeless and that there is no future. I now see the amazing memory he has, the astounding capacity of loving all of us, his cheeky sense of humour, and the quiet pride that comes from his knowing his alphabet, daily increasing numbers into the hundreds and all those hues of colours.

I don't worry so much. So now I'm looking for further supportive arguments to that fact. I want to hear the stories. I am ready to hear the stories.

Besides Robison's work, I have also come across, The game of my life: the story of challenge, triumph and growing up Autistic by Jason J-Mac McElwain; Born on a blue day: inside the extraordinary mind of an autistic savant (yes I know the title does still sound depressing but I read commentary that really it's uplifting)by Daniel Tammet; Thinking in pictures: and other reports of my life with autism by Temple Grandin; and Send in the idiots: stories from the other side of autism by Kamran Nazeer.

The last reading list I devised was on Steampunk as I was keen to explore this genre. I love embarking on new reading list. I'll let you know how it goes.

Listening to wondrous words

Yesterday my four year old son read on his own for the first time. He's been showing some interest in reading and six months ago I embarked on a program (of my own devising) to teach him to read. Six months ago he wasn't ready. But yesterday, there was focus, and interest and success! And listening to him saying the words on the page was fantastic. I'm unbelievably buoyed by this, as a year ago I was wondering if I would ever hear him speak, let alone read!

I've decided to use two books to start the reading process. One is a book I bought ages ago of the Dick and Jane series. I learned to read using these books as well as the Peter and Jane ladybird books.

As well as these books I'm going to use dr Seuss. This is a great series using phonics that are fun and memorable. Well we'll do more reading this afternoon and hopefully we'll continue to make progress. I'm very excited for him as I know that he's about to open a very special door.

The name game

Being in the chapter of life, that is raising two small children, I meet lots of other mums. I meet them at Playgroups, daycare, kinder, the park, all those places that young families frequent. As a result I'm suddenly finding myself having to remember two to three names at a time. Allow me to explain. My oldest son is now four, and my daughter has just turned two. So this means over the last few years when I've met say, Joanna, I've also met her oldest, Matthew and his sibling Sam. Sometimes there may even be a third name to remember, this name accompanied by said littlie in a pram. Over time this translates to a lot of name-remembering! And I do also appreciate the fact that this happens vice-versa.

Yesterday I bumped into a mum that I had previously met at a playgroup easily three years ago. She also lives one street away from me. I knew she was expecting her third child in May, and had spent the intervening two months wondering if she'd had a boy or a girl and how they were all doing. So I was pleased to see her at the shops yesterday, and happily greeted her, saying 'congratulations, Gabby!' We then spoke for a couple of minutes, all things mum, when she then gently corrected me saying her name is Gina and her oldest girl is Gabby. OMG!

This means for three years I've been calling her Gabby in my mind. When she said this to me yesterday, I also did a flash mental stocktake and realised that I'd never really said her name to her (maybe there was a small part of me that knew it was incorrect?) but that she has always greeted me by my name. I felt really bad.

But then I got to thinking. I know that not all the other mum's I've met remember my name - though mostly they seem to. However my name is fairly memorable as a very famous song has been written about it and people always sing it to me. Gina was not upset or offended in any way, and I know that I'll never forget her name again. So in the last twenty-four hours I've been going over all the mum's names that I know, as well as their children. I figure that many of them will be around for a while, their children being friends with mine, and that really I should make more of an effort of remembering.

Choosing a school

When my son was approaching twelve months old, I had a frantic episode of researching private schools close by to our home and had them post out their school prospectus and enrolment forms. These actions were the culmination of talks I was having with other mum's who had children the same age as my son, and getting swept up in some kind of parenting vortex, I had somehow been convinced that enrolments must be done now, otherwise my son's future would be in jeopardy.

One mum was particularly smug, as she had enrolled her child at several private schools, and was even comparing which uniform would look best on her child. The prospectus' from several schools duly arrived home, and I set aside time each night to peruse each one, consequently ordering them in preference. As enrolling at each one cost $200 a pop, I then went about devising the best way to outlay this over the next few months.

For an unknown reason the enrolment forms tucked neatly in their respective prosectus folders sat on the desktop, and eventually had other things placed on top of them - as you do when you have a busy and messy desk such as mine. I didn't do any enrolments and my son is now just over four. I began to have a big long think about private school in the primary years. Was this what I wanted for my son? And now consequently my daughter? Was I going to join the parents ferrying their children to school in their four wheel drives?

In my mind's eye, I envisioned holding my children's small hands, one small figure on each side, walking to school. Looking around me, that meant a total of three primary schools that are in walking distance from my home. One is Catholic and the other two government. Anyway, it was this visual that stopped the private school enrolments in their tracks, and made me choose an alternative path. The plan now is to send them to one of these primary schools in walking distance from home and then do private schooling for their secondary years. I want them to take public transport from that time, thus ensuring some independence and new experiences.

I have now reached the time to investigate our three local primary schools. I have, what I've been describing to myself, a dual purpose in my school visits. I need to get to the Open day's, so I can hear the spiel about the school and take the tour, and then I need to make an appointment to chat about my son's special needs.

A few weeks ago, the two government primary schools held their open day's on the Tuesday and Wednesday respectively in the same week. I telephoned the Catholic primary school, to discover their Open day had been in the month earlier, so I made my appointment to discuss my Son's needs with the principal on the Monday.

Upon arriving at the Catholic primary, I was pleased to see that the Special Need's Coordinator had been alerted to the meeting and was also there. I did most of the talking, describing my son, his personality, behaviour and diagnosis. The welcoming vibe from both the Principal and Coordinator was enthusiastic and interested, and I went away feeling optimistic. I still need to get to an Open day, apparently there's another one in August, and I plan to then see the school's resources and spaces, and hopefully classes in action.

On the Tuesday I was punctual for the school tour at one of the government primary school's, and myself and a large group of parents were ushered into the Resource center, or Library. The Principal spoke for a good twenty minutes, explaining how the school worked, and about the brand spanking new building that was being built, making way for even more classrooms.

From there, three grade sixer's took myself and two other sets of parents around the school, where we saw classes in action. The students were a delight to talk to, and I came away thinking I would be happy to send my children to this school. The only thing, we're just outside of this school's zone.

I managed to catch the Principal, and he was able to set aside time there and then to talk about my son's special needs. After waiting a short ten minutes, we proceeded to his office. This is where I would describe the school as having some good things and some not so good things. I explained to the Principal about a Bridging program we were considering doing during first term of Prep, but he wasn't one bit interested in it. His biggest concern was that my son wouldn't be able to make those initial friendships in first term if he was spending that time away from the school. This of course makes ample sense. He also went on to outline how the school deals with transition for special needs children, and the different therapists they have access to etc. Basically if we were to send them to this school, we would have to rely solely on the way the school handled their special needs children, rather than have the additional outside help too.

Writing this down now I can see the merit in doing this, but I think I should point out that the Bridging program we're looking at doing is with the service that my son has been undertaking since he was two and a half. So there's a lot of trust built there, and reliance. However, as these services are early intervention, this will all end when my son turns seven and that means that all his special needs are then seen to by his school. At least that's how the government organises the funding. Overall I would describe the welcoming vibe in the Principal's office as moderate. It was also only after discussing all of the above that I said that we were just outside the zoning for the school, and it could be my imagination, but I think he was a little relieved that he's not obligated to take my son.

The final school that I saw that week was the other government primary school on Wednesday morning. I should say from the outset that at present this school is the current contender. When I arrived, there were parents everywhere! It was chaotic, it was noisy, it was disorganised. I was put into what I think was a group, but even now I'm unsure how that happened. I ended up just traipsing along behind some parents and found myself in a tour. The next thing I want to say, that although it was so crowded, and chaotic, I probably knew every third person that was there! This was parents from playgroup, parents from daycare and parents from kinder. It was such a warm, community feeling to have quick chats, smiles, knowing nods, as I was led through the school. We often bring our children to the school playground for a play on the equipment on the weekend, and the school abuts onto one of the local community centers. There is a Stephanie Alexander cooking and garden program. The size of the classrooms were massive, and I got to watch an impressive grade four maths class in action. I hated maths in school, but to me, even that looked fun! The noise level in the classrooms were extremely high, but looking around I could see that the children were 'on task' doing their work. Just like yesterday's government primary school, this one had a multi-age approach to teaching that I think will work well with my son. There were fantastic extra-curricular programs. It has a very small number of students, hence small class sizes. And lastly......As I was on my tour, I noticed another, led by a bright grade sixer - who had autism. I could tell. This boy could easily have been my son several years on. He would pause as he thought of what to say next, finger posturing as he did so, and then lead his tour group. I saw before me an articulate and confident young man. This was striking and heartening, what more could a mother with a special needs child ask for?

Anyway, after an extremely long post, I still have to tour the Catholic primary school and make an appointment to talk about my son's needs with the winning contender. I'm just hoping that conversation won't change things around. Choosing a school for any parent of any child is daunting, yet alone parents of a special needs child. Really I'd be happy for my children to go to any of these schools, but I'm so uplifted at the moment, that the school that I've found the most impressive, is my local government primary school, that we're zoned for. Oh, but the only thing, the school's uniform is just atrocious!!

The week ahead.

Well Richard has flown away for two weeks for work. He will be visiting The US and Europe. I'm bracing myself for a hard week, but I'm utilising the help from my eighteen year old cousin who will stay and my father-in-law. Hopefully I won't get too overwhelmed!

This week I will be visiting three primary schools to discuss my son's enrolment in 2013. As he is special needs, high functioning autism, I'm interested to see what programs or aides they will have and discussing some of the programs that we are looking at. Hopefully I can find a good school that will be enthusiastic and helpful, and that we can strike a good balance in educating my son. I'll be visiting a different primary school on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm feeling a bit apprehensive but excited as well. I'm sure all parents feel this way when their child begins school. The only thing I'm a bit disappointed over is that Richard can't be there for the open days either, but since we have a bit of time up our sleeves, I told him, I'll go check it out and then we can visit again together. I'm just hoping I don't hit a brick wall regarding the services we may need for my son. Will have to wait and see....

Reading to children

When I was working in public libraries, particularly when I was lucky enough to conduct story time, I was often asked by parents, at what age should you start reading to children? My answer is, from the beginning. I followed my own advice and read to my son on the day I brought him home from the hospital. Beforehand I thought about what I would read. I couldn't see myself reading basic board books to him that showed shapes or letters of the alphabet or colours. I ended up deciding on the Mr Men series.

This was for three reasons. Firstly, they were small enough to hold together with a baby very comfortably. Secondly, the pictures were bright and colourful, therefore eyecatching. And thirdly, there was enough text for me to find reading these books enjoyable and it allowed for my son to listen to my voice. This is what I want to stress here to any parents reading this post. Reading to babies isn't about 'reading' to them. It is allowing for your child to listen to your voice. A baby residing in your tummy can hear at the twenty week mark. This means that he or she has been listening to your voice (and others) for a long time. There's a sense of security, it allows you to bond - and this certainly happened during our reading times, and it also exposes them to the cadence of your reading voice.

Now of course reading and writing and books are my favourite things and things to do. So I have never found reading to my babies/children a chore. It's something that I personally find exciting and enjoyable to do. When I was doing story time at public libraries, I found it very noticeable that the children who came along to these sessions and were consequently read to by library staff and parents, knew their letters, numbers and colours from a very early age. Clearly there are benefits to reading to children from a young age, but I don't want to jump on the bandwagon of this competitive pushing children along just so they can have some kind of academic advantage. My reasons for reading to babies and children is what I have already stated. It allows them to listen to you.

Presently I am reading some young adult novels for an assignment, that I intend to blog about at a later date. What I wanted to share with you today, was some picture books that we have gone on to after our My men books - and also the Little Miss series. Some favourites are:

A couple of standouts that have my son in fits of laughter are:

When I started reading to my son - and later my daughter - I never imagined that he would be diagnosed with autism. Looking back, I believe that reading to him has helped him. It calms him. It is a routine done every night after baths and just before bed, one that is looked forward to. He loves to choose what books to read, and giving him choice and teaching him to express what he wants is paramount in helping him engage with people. As part of his autism is a severe language delay, I have found some of the following titles invaluable in helping his speech. As I have been reading most of these books to him from a young age, and certainly before he was talking, it is safe to say that he knows them inside out. After some time, I realised that if I paused before saying the next word, as he knew full well what was to come, he would fill in the gaps. An example of this is with We're going on a bear hunt, by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury.

Its rhythmn and repetitiveness is superb in aiding his speech. Often I would say, we're going on a.....and he would fill the gap. Eventually I was doing this for almost every line in the book. Other books that also worked well in doing this are:

I'm continually adding to our picture book library at home. I have five book boxes (they're actually the Huggies nappy boxes) that I rotate. We do one book from our collection and two books borrowed from the library. This way they're reading books and getting exposed to repetition, but they're also being exposed to new books as well. Sometimes we borrow some absolute gems from the library that I look out for to buy them as birthday gifts or christmas presents. I like to use books as rewards for good behaviour too, but as they are still so young this will probably happen more often as the years go on. The other reason why I love to read library books is that it prevents me from getting too bored as well. You see, I like to read these picture books too (just for myself) and there's nothing better than reading titles that you yourself enjoyed as a child. The very hungry caterpillar and Are you my mother are familiar favourites from my own childhood.

Great recent contemporary titles that I've found:

He has autism

My son has autism. There I've said it. Today is his birthday and he's four. He only started talking last October - when he was three and a half. Suddenly it went from a handful of words to two words. It was usually a colour added. The 'black car'; the 'purple block; the 'brown book'. Now we have almost sentences. We're still waiting for the pronouns to be added.

He was diagnosed with high functioning autism just after he turned two. So he's 'just' on the spectrum was how it was explained to me. I was also told that a diagnosis is a good thing, because he will have access to early intervention.

When all this happened I had just had my daughter. My mother was convinced that I had post-natal depression. I don't know how many times I had to tell her I didn't. I was dealing with the fact my son has autism. It wasn't something that was going to go away.

So this brings me to now. It is almost two years since his diagnosis. Until now I've been walking around telling everyone he has a speech delay. Thus far this has sufficed. But now I can see the quizzical looks from people. The crinkling of the brow. The white elephant in the room when friends are there. They've noticed that something isn't quite right.

A few weeks ago I decided to start telling people. Last week I was at the library. We bumped into another mum whose son is in the same kinder group as my son. I blurted it out. And regretted it a heartbeat later. I had stupidly chosen the wrong person to tell this to. Of course she was completely unaware of the significance of me actually saying to her that he has autism. She probably thought I told this to everyone. I certainly said it with that impression. But oh how I regretted it. I went home with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that stayed with me for days. You're probably asking why was she the wrong person to say this to? It was her response. 'How is that working for you?' Seems an innocuous enough question. But it was the way it was posed. There wasn't the light in her eyes of, oh I get it, I get you, I know where you're coming from. She didn't have any idea what it was. I'm not laying any blame here, but I know that in my desperate bid to just say it out loud to someone, I had been too hasty.

Despite last week's declaration, today I told someone else. This person didn't say anything. But it was different. She got it. I could see it in her eyes. She had asked my son a question and he had chosen not to respond. The timing was right to intervene so I just said it. He has autism. No more was needed to be said.

It sounds as though I have told only two people in this world that my son has autism. That's not the case. Immediate family members know. Not all family. Just some. Some friends know. Some friends have guessed and we haven't said either way. There are many many people that I don't really want to tell. I'm not sure why, or at least not sure if I can articulate it properly. I think deep down it's because I don't want my son to be treated any differently.

So is my son different? He is and he isn't. Anyone reading this who has had some experience with autism will understand what I mean by that. It's such a hard thing to describe. It depends entirely whether or not he has made a connection with people. If a connection has been made then it's all magnificent. Often he does make a connection and this is why with the few people I have told their first response is often one of surprise.

I need to finish this post by getting a few things off my chest. The last two years I have internalised much. I haven't made any response to well intended comments, nor have I responded to hurtful statements, nor just plain ignorance. But what's a blog for if I can't now answer some of these things here?

So, here are my answers. No, it will not go away. Yes, he has got it. No, medicine will not help. Yes, he has multivitamins and god forbid let's not forget the daily dose of Omega 3. I know you mean well when you say that you can't tell off chidren like this, but my son is the same as any other child and must be disciplined if need be. How is it working for me? Very well. He loves kinder, he loves his day care, he loves his little sister and he makes friends just like any other child. You just need to give him a chance. Screaming no to him will not do any good. Why not try and lead him in a different direction? Yes, I know he has special needs but what do you want me to do? Lock him up in another room and throw away the key? Yes he knows his alphabet. He's known it since he was two. No he's not dumb. Yes he comprehends you. Yes he can have lollies or cake, I don't stop him from having sugar. Yes he eats fruit. If he didn't eat fruit that day maybe he didn't feel like it. I'm sorry he doesn't answer your questions but that's just the way he is. Yes I agree with you that his drawings are superb. Yes I know that all he talks about is cars. However, if it wasn't for Lightning McQueen would he have ever started talking? If you know he likes cars than talk to him about that. I promise you he'll respond. No don't give him biscuits and lollies all day because then he will behave badly. He's not naughty, he just doesn't know how to socialise properly. We're working on that.

And that's just it. We're working on it. Early Intervention is my life saver. Although they will probably never read this, and I have told them in the past, let me say again, thank you to our therapists. Without their help we would not be where we are today.

Oh. And yes, he will be going to school. So Happy Birthday my angel. I love you very much and I am the luckiest person in the world.